Drinking from a Fire Hydrant

We left at 5:30 a.m. this morning to make the 2 hour 40 minute trek to our 8:30 a.m. appointment in Jackson. Once we were finally seen, we went through 2 hours of intense ultrasounds by a tech, a young doctor, and the Fetal Medical Doctor, Dr. Morris, who will be our doctor going forward. 

Each person checked Baby Boy's heart, brain, organs, and limbs—over and over and over and over again. How can he be so sick? He was wiggling and turning his head toward us and stretching his legs. He's beautiful. 

We couldn’t help but smile and rejoice because we know the One who knitted him together in my womb—piece by precious piece. He’s such a gift to us already.

Once again, all the docs repeated the same things. He looks structurally perfect on the ultrasound, but he’s got “impressive” and “severe” fluid all over his body. Dr. Morris is fantastic, sensitive, and very thorough—a mother herself. She spent a significant amount of time with us, answering questions we had and those we didn’t know we had.

At the end of the day, they don’t know why this has happened. It’s nothing I did or didn’t do. Nothing I ate or drank. It’s not the severe morning sickness I went through. It doesn’t have to do with my age. It just happened.

Dr. Morris promised to walk with us through this, but she was also very realistic. She'll do all she can to help our baby live, but "most babies" don’t survive this. While it's rare, some do survive, so she offered some hope from a medical perspective.

The first step was to do an amniocentesis. Basically, they stuck a needle through my stomach and into my uterus to extract six vials of amniotic fluid. They’ll use it to run several tests and hopefully find a cause. 

This is a mom and dad’s worst nightmare. We’ve both cried and prayed and experienced a lot of emotions over the last two days. It's heart-wrenching and completely out of our control.

But I’ll be honest, we both felt such peace when we woke up this morning. We serve a God of miracles—a good God, a faithful God. We believe with every ounce of our hearts that He has a plan for this little boy. It doesn’t make it less difficult, but it gives us peace in the midst of tragedy.

So now, we wait. We place this completely in God’s hands. 

There’s no way we can solely rest in the “statistics" and “realistic expectations” and “medical history.” While those are great and we appreciate them and the doctors who offer them, we only trust in the Lord. We need Him so much. He’s our hope. He’s our joy. He’s our strength.

We’ve really clung to these promises:

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, 

all whose thoughts are fixed on you.

–Isaiah 26:3

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. 

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you. 

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

—Isaiah 41:10

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and love and sound mind.

—2 Timothy 1:7

We’re still processing. There’s just so much. From here on out, we’ll be traveling to Jackson every week. This will literally be a day-by-day, week-by-week journey. We covet your prayers for our little boy. 

We’re asking God for a miracle. We’ve seen him do it before. We know he can do it again. We’re asking Him to give our son an incredible story of His grace and mercy and healing. 

And if not, to God be the glory. We trust His ways are higher than our ways.